My concept of a relationship had not included mutuality. Now that it did, I was able to look at a man differently, even though nothing about him had changed. Etienne was charming and I could see that with all his qualities, he could be someone it would be possible and even reasonable to care about. That was it, that was what had been missing. When the entire focus of a relationship is what he can do for me, it isn’t possible to develop feelings for someone who is, essentially, a tool. Adding the concepts of what can I do for him and can I care for him, it’s not clear you can have one without the other. Nonetheless, Etienne was not someone I cared for. He was too far behind to ever catch up to Jeff. If somehow Jeff had not been a part of my life, Etienne would have made a perfectly acceptable husband. He would cheat on me, he was French, but I would be financially independent of my parents. I would rarely see them which suited me just fine. I could party to my heart’s content. Little. I guess I was too much in a hurry because I don’t remember what her pussy looked like. But she was exactly what I wanted. I didn’t mine that she was a prostitute, in fact it was kind of exciting. She laid me down on my back and wiped my penis off with a wet towel. I damn near came when she did that because no person had ever touched me like that before. She laid down next to me and pulled me on top of her. This was about forty years ago and there was no worry about AIDS so I didn’t have to wear a condom. Her hands gripped my penis and guided it to the Promised Land. As I entered her I felt a sharp pain coming from my penis. I was not circumcised and found out later that when entering her I pushed my foreskin back over the head of my penis, in other words I popped my cherry. I only felt pain for an instant and continued to pump her. Being young I didn’t take long, I started pumping and in a few minutes I came! Remember that this was my first time with a woman. When I withdrew my penis.
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